In light of the tragic accident and recent passing of Kobe Bryant, I decided to write my story.

Naturally, I was caught off guard and eventually, I went into shock.  I thought Bean would walk out of the woods somewhere, dust himself off and we would continue life as we knew it. I have not fully accepted that a man I felt as though I knew personally (because I studied him so closely) would no longer be here to guide me in my daily teachings. Although I didn’t cry immediately, I was overwhelmed with emotion. I put my phone away and consciously chose not to believe the news. As the days go by, and I transition through this process of grief, I know now what I am feeling is immense sadness. And for so many reasons: Kobe is my favorite basketball player. And for some time, basketball was all I knew. It wasn’t until my playing career ended that I began to realize that basketball did not define who I was. That it was NEVER just a game. Basketball shaped me into who I am today. The court my classroom. I have taken everything I’ve learned, and began sowing seeds into my community, with high hopes of building hundreds and thousands of Kobe’s by the time I’m done. 

Basketball is a game, basketball is a business, and at this point basketball is my life. On and off the court I am competitive, I am passionate, and I am as analytical as they come. So naturally, holding basketball so close to my heart, meant Kobe was right there with it. This event has rocked me to my core and made me reflect on things I’ve never imagined in my own day to day realities. As an athlete I was many things, but I was never emotional, I was never in touch with my feelings, I only performed. Excellence was the standard, and WINNING was the only thing that mattered. Looking back, there have been many times in my life I didn’t allow myself to feel. Leaving those closest to me in the dark and lacking more depth in our relationships that they ever imagined. 

With Kobe passing, I realize that I’m sad because I feel like he was invincible. He would ALWAYS make a comeback. He was so tough, he was so sharp, he was so determined, that death was something I never imagined. Consciously, I didn’t have to. But soon after I very quickly began to imagine leaving those around me in such a way. Accidents happen daily, illnesses happen daily, and though we may never actually be ready to let go of those we love, I believe that we can be better prepared as it simply pertains to emotional intelligence. If I left this earth today, God forbid, some of my athletes would truly struggle. I feel like some of them suckas would pass out on the spot if they believed the news at all. And what I know is I don’t ever want them to feel the shock that I do right now from my lack of maturity as it specifically pertains to my emotions. 

I want all of my loved ones, my kids specifically, to know that I am real. I am not invincible. And things happen. Things that we don’t expect or have any control over. There are times when I am sad, there are times when I am scared, nervous, and everything in between. Despite ALL circumstances, I am very aware that God is real, and I have faith that His will, will always be done. 

And so today, I am going to share with you, one of my biggest testimonies during a time when I was scared for my life, but way too determined to slow down and FEEL it.

I lived for basketball, I lived for my kids, I lived for my purpose. I’m here, because God wasn’t finished with me yet. The lesson I learned through it all, is the time is “N:OW.” I got that tattooed on my arm when I came “out” of my situation. Every day since, I’ve attempted to move with purposeful intention and better equip myself for my life and my purpose. I hope after reading this you’ll join me on this journey of living with intention, changing the world through purpose, and leaving this place better than you found it.